Keep Calm & Bake On

I made cookies this evening. 

Most people like to stick to the same recipe. I on the other hand like to try different ones. I study the ingredients, and before I decide to put on my apron and preheat the oven, I go through several different recipes and carefully select one. 

I’m looking for a specific recipe. The one that will be my go-to when someone has a hankering for a good chocolate chip cookie. I tried a homemade cookie a few years back, and it was the absolute best I’ve ever tasted. I begged for the recipe, but like a wise woman, the baker refused to share it with me. 

Tonight’s cookies came close. Really, really close to the mystery cookie from Heaven. In fact, I’d bet God has a fresh batch of these made daily. That good. I’m quite please with tonight’s batch. My family thoroughly enjoyed them too. Ma couldn’t keep her hands out of the dough, and once the little guys were cooling, she stood over them waiting until they reached a point where they wouldn’t totally burn her mouth off.

Two warm cookies and a few heaping spoonfuls of vanilla bean ice cream later, I can confidently tell you that tonight’s baking was a success.

In fact, I’m going to grab another one right now. 

viva Rancho

So my summer was supposed to begin in Florence, Italy. Due to a series of unfortunate events, I’m not on the fifteen hour flight. I made the choice not to go & I can assure you it was the right one. It was the right choice for many reasons, but mostly it was the right choice for me. The daily indulgences of gelatto, the shopping, cobblestone streets, pasta, PIZZA, accents and the art sound utterly beautiful don’t get me wrong, but there will be another opportunity to experience those things. A better time. 

Until then, I’ll carpe diem right here in good ol’ Rancho Cucamonga. 

Good buys vs. goodbyes

This weekend I treated myself to some new things. Things I’ve been dying to get for a long time, but never mustered up the courage to buy. I must have gotten really lucky this weekend, because everything I ended up getting was on sale. Then again, it is a very rare occasion I buy something not on sale. New things are always fun. Especially when you are incredibly lonely, incredibly hopeless and incredibly bummed. 

Welcome home new things. Keep me company.

the goods include:

Assorted pack of colorful blank cards and envelopes 12$ 

Coconut Macaroon coffee 6$

Neon pink phone case 8$

Lavandar polka dot pants 15$ 

A light blue infuser tea pot 5$

Espadrilles 35$

A Voluspa candle- chestnut & vetiver scented (fancy coconut?) 5$

Our Mother’s Day

Although I am not a mother, nor am I anywhere near that season of my life, Mother’s Day means something to me. I believe it’s in my DNA to be a mother someday. Every possible thing I could hope for myself somehow reduces to the same desire- to be a Mom. Friends, acquaintances even strangers can attest to that. 

My freshmen year of college I started a journal. The collection of hand written letters were intended to be a gift for my hypothetical daughter on her 18th birthday. After months of diligent writing, I stopped. I stopped as soon as Zachary and I were facing some serious trials in our relationship. It took over 20 entries for me to finally mention Zachary. At the time of entry number 21, I was so certain Zachary was going to be the father of my children. So I felt it was appropriate.

We all know how that story ends. When it did, so did the letters to my daughter. It seems so silly, but I hate that I’ve neglected that journal. My life lately hasn’t been something worth sharing with anyone, let alone my very own future baby girl. But then I remind myself that the hard, dark, scary, not-so-glamorous seasons of my life will speak the most wisdom. i decided the best time to start up the journal for her will be on the day I get engaged to the man that will be her father. 

Despite my failed efforts to keep my someday daughter clued in on my youth, not a day goes by where I haven’t thought about my future as a mother. Yesterday, one of my best friends and I went on a much needed coffee date. We always have good convos, but yesterday she said something that got me thinking.

I was expressing to her my hopes of living out motherhood knowing the man I chose for myself chose me right back. & he did so in a shameless, doubtless, confident way. She then proceeded to tell me about a conversation between her mom and sister. The two had been bickering about something regarding their dad, and my friend’s mom had said something like, “don’t be mad at me that he is that way, it’s not my fault.” And my friend’s sister came back with, “yeah, but you chose him for me.” Woah. Powerful right?

For the girls out there who share these same desires as me, this post is for you. We aren’t mothers yet. We don’t know the pain of child birth or the never ending exhaustion of child rearing. We haven’t an idea on how to take care of another person in the ways only a mother knows how. It may seem that our “job” as a mother ceases to exist as long as there isn’t a bun in the oven or a baby in our arms. We are young, and child bearing may be years away, but we do have a job to do today. We need to make sure we are thinking about how critical it is to marry a man our children will want to thank us for marrying. 

My girl,

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. I hope my love for you is expressed in a million ways every day. I know when it is my time to really understand this day from the position of being your mom, the feelings will be inexplicable. At age twenty, I am capable of folding clothes, preparing decent meals, skillfully changing a diaper, making sure doors are locked and seat belts are buckled. I can do all of  these things, and I can do them pretty well. I know someday all of these tasks will be done for you. Truly I can’t wait. I already know you appreciate the “mom” duties I perform. It’ll mean the world to get an occasional ‘thank you’ or a just because hug from you. Even when you don’t seem grateful, I know you are. Above all, I hope you are mostly thankful that I chose the man I did to be your father. I hope you thank me for being dad’s teammate, because without us serving as the foundation of our family, our family wouldn’t be all that it is. So i’ll continue to learn the skills necessary to be a good mom. Most importantly, I will not settle for less than what you deserve as a father. 

my love,

mom- age 20 May 11, 2013

Happy Mother’s Day to the incredible women out there who are moms. You amaze me, and I applaud you 365 days out of the year. Happy Mother’s Day to the grandmothers out there. You must’ve done something right since your kids decided to give parenthood a shot. Happy Mother’s Day to the moms-to be. I can only imagine how thrilled you are. Happy Happy Mother’s Day to the girls like me who are not yet mothers, but wil be. You have a job right now. Do it well. For your heart’s sake, and for your child’s. 

xx, N

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Lord, as I walk through this world, let Your Grace light my path, Your mercy shelter my soul, and Your love heal my heart.